Retirement Adventures--Alabama New Year...

Wow! where has the time gone? It was just Thanksgiving yesterday it seems...Travel, family, friends, fabulous meals, somewhere in there is a few hours of sleep isn't there?  Christmas flew by! Working doggedly to organize clean paint wrap cook decorate and slow down to focus on Christ...it all happened! and it happened well...lovely time quiet time with family with love. with focus.


today is the day decorations find their homes in storage. memories attached to the "things" speak out and tug at heartstrings so full of gratitude and peace. happily i move among the detritus of the earthly belongings...but my mind and heart are already on other issues of the day.  once i hold an ornament that my son has given me heart full and nostalgic - i hesitate to put it away -- the time is so little spent physically anymore with our young man struggling to get through grad school and exert his total independence...other ornaments speak of moments with a husband so gentle and kind and funny...loving me quietly in his own way.

 cleaning up the ribbons and little bits of paper offal from Christmas dinner....memories of smiles and fun...of silliness and miniature plastic toys flying everywhere, confetti of the heart as i look around and see with my mind's eye

 family gathered around the Christmas table...joy in the moment as we play together around a table cleared of dishes and holiday dinner, reminiscent of my Colonel's family Christmases past...

the vision of our Christmas tree...so difficult it seemed to put up and decorate this year..eventually done closer to the actual day of Christmas...was it less a festive time??.. in retrospect, maybe it was a more serene, simple time with the focus less on commercialism and more on what Christmas is:  Emmanuel, God with us.

New Year's eve was full in spirit - in presence - in bodies lounging about comfortably after chinese take-out...and the banter of children both old and young talking smack as the Texas A&M football game is taking turns nobody could foresee. gig 'em aggies...love everywhere i turn -i see family- i am thankful for these moments.


breakfast comes too early!  then black-eyed peas greens cornbread - holiday staples made favorite through years of cooking and enjoying. somehow the kitchen is put to order in record time and we say our goodbyes and hugs and smiles and waves...and waves ... of gratitude and love and peace in each moment of it all ...

walking around the house of the Colonel's dreams...slowly finding little hints of home, of my belonging here, of being present in this place that gives shelter and love and comfort and yes! even joy. i find my place - my spirit lifted. it's been a while..a struggle of monumental proportions for me, for us, this retirement adventure so far...i think it must be like this for most folk who move at the end of a career to a new community a new home a new state of mind as well as physical location.

this year will bring stability...and i hope less and less walks through dark valleys for me as we won't be packing up and moving with all of the stress and physical agitation. i am seeing a stable-ness that i haven't had in such a long long while. dwelling on this new year i would like to focus on the word gracious...grace...gracious of spirit of love of forgiveness ... these are what i hope to bring to all of the hearts i may come into contact with...and with all of this it is time to be about it all now..

xox!

Retirement Adventures....of the quiet kind...Look Up!

Today's post is a rambling stream of a moment in our Retirement Adventures of quiet reflection--time spent at home...alone with my cocker spaniel and sheltie.  The Colonel's at work--hunting & gathering. My moments are quiet--tv off, quiet all around except for the occasional acorn hitting the rooftop.  sometimes alone doesn't mean lonely. sometimes alone is a time of restoring, rest, letting body & soul be healed by simple beauty and gifts in my own environment.   Here is a moment shared through prose....

As I go out the door
On a crisp fall day..
Wondering where the day holds it's magic
Wondering if it will be a riotous joy
Or a deflated tired empty balloon of nothing

The dogs burst through the back screen door
with tails wagging and loud cacophonous yips
and deep sonorous bays
as they almost stumble down the stairs to
hunt for and find the scent of their prey

I look about my feet-- bare
on newly painted boards bedecked in rust and gold
and browning offal from the swaying giants above
Stepping lightly-- rifling through the crunch beneath
to find the hidden wonder of the day      

Peering over railing replete with 
half eaten acorns I see
slashes of shadow long and striking amidst the stones
Beauty hides in nature's paint upon the ground
forcing my eye to  see. To see. 

Looking up-- i find the magic
in the Son's glorious movement above
in the grandness of the trees as they sway
to gentle breezes--rustling the leaves still there
like hair being kissed by gentle hands

lovingly holding autumn in a moment 
of bliss. This gentle rocking of my soul
calling Look Up!! Look Up!!
I Am there Always there.
Look Up!!  be assured..
I Am there.

I hope you have a day full of gratitude and thankfulness...a day with blessings overrunning your vessels of life. 

                                                               xoxo

Retirement Adventures...It's not all a bed of roses..the petals have fallen off the stem and left me bleeding from the thorns..

.

When sharing the Adventures of our retirement from the Army life...I've tried to keep it light of heart and light of reading...re-inventing myself to what I want to be or think that I was at one time in my life.  Brave, strong, fun, and funny...dependable, kind, giving.


Though I have taken a few paths that I've been ashamed of in the past--being angry, petty, mean-spirited, clique-ish, out-of-control--I've tried to make reparations and amends for my bad choices and bad behavior.  Living with the consequences of my choices and actions has proved painful at times--shame and sadness can steal my joy in the todays--even when I am years past the hurting, the hurt and the asking for forgiveness.

In recent days...and weeks...I have found it harder and harder to be awake. To be present. To be thankful in my circumstances.  My body feels so heavy--both physically and metaphorically--I just want to lay it down. To let it go. Fly away somewhere where there is no more weight.  Where the alone doesn't matter any more

Then I pick up my phone--that modern necessity most of us utilize like it is air, or water, or clothing to start the day--and I open it to the blog:  A Holy Experience by Ann Voskamp (www.aholyexperience.com) and read Missing Him:  31 Days of Jesus and today's blog post. And yesterday's and last week's...

Today's post is titled:  If you Need a Therapy that Really Calms the Heart.  It's about a man, a husband, a father, who is coping with his wife's depression.  How his courage, his love, his patience and persistent "being there" is part of his cellular makeup.  What hits me in the gut-wrenching soul part of me is it describes my husband.  I am that woman who has that thing that "grabs a hold of a woman and makes her fear a day and herself and letting anyone get close" ... those of you who know me and love me may wonder where this comes from?  I am a dual person...there is one of me who sings my inner song to strangers, who picks up a stumbled and alone elderly woman, who finds peace and joy in watching the trees sway with the power of the breathe of the Holy One.  Then, there is one of me who allows "joy to be elusive and cynicism to be easy and stress to be normal..the same me that chokes down pills and food and shame instead of choking out what's wrong"...the me that is "scared to death to be real"...the me that "just lives to be dead"... So I battle daily to be present..to be aware...to find the ray of sunlight...the little heart signs that God leaves everywhere--in the trees--in the rocks--in the fallen leaves or clumps of dirt upon the floor--in my dear friend's reaching out to hold me...in prayer, in thought, in presence. 

I could let this blog post be a damnation of my struggle...or, I can read to the end..like finishing the instructions on a test...to find what it has to say. For my husband (the Colonel) or for myself (inner understanding?)...and I see that ..I SEE that... in finding a something to be joyful in--be it a child's play, or a toddler's reaching up to hold a hand, the warmth of my cocker spaniel's bottom as he rests on my foot, the clump of dirt on the floor--miraculously shaped like a heart-love... there is joy to be found.  Then the rest of the "instructions" are for me to be thankful in whatever circumstances that I am in...to wail to my maker to take my anger and my pain...to make me well again.  Because the "anger is making me sick and weak and bound" and "the therapy is in the thanks".

can you see the heart-rock-love--lying on it's side?

I could quote the whole shebang...all the wisdom, and worry, and angst, and joy, and love, and anger, and constant dullness of depression...but I think you would do better to read the post:  http://www.aholyexperience.com/2013/10/if-you-need-a-therapy-that-really-calms-the-heart/
Maybe you could give a little prayer for the Colonel as he holds me til I can find my way again. Maybe you could pray for me to find my way into the sunlight, the thankfulness, the joy of what and who God is in the breathing and the living in the light.

I am thankful in this moment...in this light...xoxo

Retirement Adventures: Re-Inventing Myself in the South

photo borrowed from Southern Living blog

Last weekend I had the pleasure of attending a wonderful event:  SOUTHERN REINVENTION--hosted by Tasia Malakasis and held at the new 

Belle Chevre Creamery in Elkmont, AL. 

It was a beautiful drive into the country with sunny skies and good company. The Colonel & I chatted pleasantly with one of my girlfriends who sat in the backseat as we found our way to Elkmont.  It was a drive of unfulfilled hopes of southern music (I kept trying to get The Civil Wars track, Barton Hollow, up & running) to get us in the "mood" for our outing. Little did I know that I would have such difficulty with getting the track from my smart phone onto my husband's new car stereo with bluetooth capability.  I'm the kind of gal who likes to read and apply the how-tos in life...and even after pulling out the owner's manual I couldn't get a single bar of music out of that car stereo by the time we made it to Elkmont!!   

Now, I was so Happy! to finally make it to the event...the beautiful new creamery was a wonderfully refurbished warehouse that was dilapidated only last summer! The soiree was to showcase the best of what the south has to offer where handcrafted and artisan are synonymous with quality and ingenuity while bringing new life to old buildings with a zest for community.

People came from many communities far and wide to support and enjoy the day with samplings of food, music, cheese making, clothing, and storytelling.

Clothing Designers Billy Reid and Natalie Chanin had items available to purchase--both Alabama natives with a connection to community--they make a metaphorical statement that being Southern is an asset! not a hindrance.

We had introductions to some of the wonderful artisan-made libations of Shine of  Stills Crossroads, AL(www.highridgespirits.com) and the Back 40 Beer Co. of Gadsden, AL(moonshine and beer! Seen, not tasted! except in poached persimmons and beer vinegar respectively)

 

   Recipes from Southern Living editors ( goat cheese cheesecake---divine!! Deviled eggs w/ goat cheese & pickled okra---yummy!) 

 

Southern Living editor Scott Mowbray on R

 

We had a fun time kneading and rolling our own goat cheese into logs before they were cut into little logs for taking home to enjoy --- though a few impatient persons unnamed enjoyed licking our fingers on the way to the wash stand afterwards! 

Sitting on bales of hay with burlap seat covers we enjoyed a repast provided by

 Jim&Nick's Community BBQ.   We feasted on BBQ sausage, brisket, and hot wings with multiple condiments rounding out the palate.  I was sooo tempted to revisit the goat cheese cheesecake bites...but decided to play nice & share. I wish that I had had enough forethought to take photos of the lovely food -- next time I promise!!  While fresh bottled water was provided aplenty, I purchased (as I always do!) a quart of icy cold herbal tea&black tea mix named Pom Pearadise! from Samovar Gardens of Brownsboro, AL.  Never ever disappointed with their tea!

On the way out..we purchased a Chocolate Bourbon Pecan pie from the Pie Lab also of Greensboro, AL .Check them out! Not only are they producing wonderful pie...but they are producing social change in their community!

                                               

We cornered Tasia for a quick photo under the new entrance wall of the creamery.  What a gracious lady! 

me! Jen (sister-in-law) & Tasia

What a lovely day out with my hubs, family and friends.  Though I am born a Southerner (you all know what that means!) I am reinventing myself here..in Alabama.  At times, it's a rather daunting task...but then I meet brave, strong individuals who dare to dream and then work like the dickens to accomplish those dreams!! I am inspired once again to pull up my cowgirl boots and get to work!

I am at once overcome with bittersweet memories of where I've been...but am determined to be happy and enjoy this new life...Reinvented....here. In Alabama!!  There's beauty to be found here. XOX.

poetry on the wall of Belle Chevre Creamery

by Tasia Mala

Retirement Adventures--the way to the The Retirement Home

What an adventure...not all happy...not all bad...just a roller coaster of emotions and experiences at a time where I could use less stress instead of more.  Things don't always go as we would like or as we would see them in our own mind...and when that happens, you can roll with the punches or have a hissy fit..

Me?  I have been the user of hissy fits way too many times in my life. I hate to admit that, but I will be real with you. I also will share with you that it really doesn't work for me. ~chuckle~ As a result, I have learned to roll with the punches a bit more than I would've expected to.

 our retirement home..

Our house-hunting expedition was epic (in my mind). I wasn't able to find my dream retirement home...no property...no barn...no flat land...no chicken coops. What we found will be a home that my husband is ultimately very happy with. His mom & step-dad love it so much they offered to trade with us! Smile.  Don't get me wrong--it's not terrible--it's actually a lovely home. It's on a half acre of rocky hillside (in my mind, maybe part of the lower Appalachian trail? I just need to look harder for the holler and the still!)  ~chuckle again~

As you can see, lots of boulders in the yard...and the dark place under the deck does NOT have a still..or a winery. Sigh.

What it does have is lots of wonderful little paths...beautiful trees...and boulders with weathered, rain beaten hollowed out bowls..full of moss and bracken(the latter after a rain).

Our trees sway slightly as the gentle breeze catches the leaves throughout the day. There are no sounds of highway autos or the general din of living. It is quiet here. Perhaps it will be peaceful after a bit of time?

 Our adventures have led us to expect the unexpected:  Employment not coming as quickly as planned...Retirement checks being "lost in the proverbial mail" (purely symbolic!) as the clerk who entered our account number put in one too many digits...thus, it ends up taking a month longer than expected!  We were able to close a week early on our home...but it still wasn't enough time to enable us to paint the whole house before the Colonel started work.  So we're piecemeal-ing it for now.

 Painting...cleaning..scraping wallpaper off..painting some more.
All of the things you have to do to make an older home "yours".
Finding all of the little "surprises" that an older house brings: uneven floors, funny smells, interesting design choices from decades past (and maybe present?) It has been overwhelming at times...thus, the hissy fits! And comparing to the newly updated, beautiful homes we had seen (though out of my comfort range for mortgages) it is difficult to look at the updating that will need to be accomplished over the next 5 years. (yes!! I said it! we're on a 5-yr plan!!)  At times, I feel as though I have spent my whole life waiting ...I know it's not really my whole life...it just feels that way...waiting for the house that will be our place to nest. To feel like I have roots. To watch the flowers bloom every year. To know my neighbors for more than a year or two. A safe, peaceful place...that may even have a hen or two that scurries about. 
 
For now, the Colonel and I are climbing the mountain of boxes that comes with every move.  I am collecting quite a ream or two of white tissue paper as I discover the moving company wrapped even some of the smallest seashells in 2 or 3 sheets! Funny how some items are "over"wrapped and others just tossed in a box willy-nilly.  I can still hear my mother yelling at me to do a job over (and over!) if it wasn't done right as I wonder if people aren't taught to do their best anymore?  Some must be as evidenced by my tissue paper collection.  I think I'll dwell on that for now.

Our vacuum has to go to the appliance hospital tomorrow..I think I'll shop after dropping it off...purely an extravagance as I should be unpacking!  Sometimes, a girl's just gotta do what a girl's gotta do! After all, the knobs need replacing...and the rooms need lighting (no overhead lights!! what planet am I on??!!)...The boxes will be happy to see me when I get to them...I will try to put on my happy face and look forward to the challenges ahead.

 Until then.. Adieux!

                                                                              XOX!

Retirement Adventures in the Upsy Downsy Topsy Turvy World of Mine! ..leading up to HomeOwnership!

Silly me!  I just noticed that I misnumbered the previous "Episode" post..haha! I guess it's my just rewards for being "cute"! The "Episodes" are now m-i-a and AWOL. Sigh.

The past month has been a lesson in patience...and we have tried to use our time wisely. Traveling by plane to Upper Michigan (the "U P") to relax and fish for 2 weeks was only one of the ways we utilized our time and our free mileage.  Little did we realize that the weather would remain pretty rainy as well as chilly! Fishing continued through rain and shine and the Colonel was highly pleased with his efforts as he pulled in many lovely Large bass, walleye, and northern pike.  

His eyes shone with excitement when he returned not only with his fish--but with stories of the American Eagles who would fish alongside the pontoon boat (barely missing the inhabitants of said boat!!).  I never had the blessing to see the Eagle-- but I did take a pic of their lovely DIY nest on the "big" island of our little lake.

We spent a few days at the flea market while up north and I found lovely pieces to add to my collections (or should I say my "hoard"--I really really need to let go of Stuff! or not be surprised if I trip over everything!!).  I will have to divest myself of a few items so that the new pieces fit in a manner that is un-trip-worthy. Wink Wink.

After returning from the UP...we worked at a dizzy pace to get Drs appointments, new IDs, and all the other retirement i's dotted and t's  crossed.  I was the Colonels personal secretary and Girl Friday as I tried to fulfil his requests with a light heart...though to be honest, I must say I gave him a less than cheerful "Yes Sir! Colonel Sir!" once or twice along the way.
Yes...I can be very sassy. I admit it. Poor old soldier.

Our next effort was moving our son to graduate school and helping to get him set up in his new apartment. The second trip (for me) the Colonel and I took through rain in a bouncy loud U-Haul van to deliver the sofa and other large accoutrements.

  Our bright spot was we looked like the Clampets driving to an induction ceremony the next morning! Lots of grins came our way as we stepped out into the parking lot with our Sunday best on.  We had a lovely visit and my favorite memory is of the Colonel and his son working together on putting a big box table and stools together (and working out the difficulty of poor instructions and missing parts). By the time we left our student-- I was more than satisfied (and happy) that we had helped to make Jon's first 1 bedroom apartment a decent home-away-from-home.

 Out his front door his new "pets" await to great him every morning: Huey, Louis, and Dewey...as they quack a loud "good morning" in their style.

Finally, somehow we made it to today. The final walkthrough done. A painter almost hired ($11,000!!!!! Really?!?--I am Shocked and Awed!) We'll hear lots of my "painting adventures" in an upcoming post--I'm sure! And now, as of 
Monday...we signed our mortgage and officially became HOMEOWNERS!

I am giving a big "Thank You Lord" for getting us to this day and to this home.  We have walked through a mess or two but have made it thus far safely intact!! With some lovely memories along the way! (Honestly... As well as some frazzled emotions).

So here we are...on to wallpaper removal and painting sessions!

Sorry for the long post--and the recycled pics (my FB friends will recognize many!).

Choose Joy my friends.

I am.

Hello out there!! this adventure has been a roller coaster!! If you read blogs in a reader...I am joining
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I'll catch you up soon on all of the "adventures"!!  Sorry for the delay.

XO!
Keep your hats on! and your hope High!!!
~frankie