today is the day decorations find their homes in storage. memories attached to the "things" speak out and tug at heartstrings so full of gratitude and peace. happily i move among the detritus of the earthly belongings...but my mind and heart are already on other issues of the day. once i hold an ornament that my son has given me heart full and nostalgic - i hesitate to put it away -- the time is so little spent physically anymore with our young man struggling to get through grad school and exert his total independence...other ornaments speak of moments with a husband so gentle and kind and funny...loving me quietly in his own way.
cleaning up the ribbons and little bits of paper offal from Christmas dinner....memories of smiles and fun...of silliness and miniature plastic toys flying everywhere, confetti of the heart as i look around and see with my mind's eye
family gathered around the Christmas table...joy in the moment as we play together around a table cleared of dishes and holiday dinner, reminiscent of my Colonel's family Christmases past...
the vision of our Christmas tree...so difficult it seemed to put up and decorate this year..eventually done closer to the actual day of Christmas...was it less a festive time??.. in retrospect, maybe it was a more serene, simple time with the focus less on commercialism and more on what Christmas is: Emmanuel, God with us.
New Year's eve was full in spirit - in presence - in bodies lounging about comfortably after chinese take-out...and the banter of children both old and young talking smack as the Texas A&M football game is taking turns nobody could foresee. gig 'em aggies...love everywhere i turn -i see family- i am thankful for these moments.
breakfast comes too early! then black-eyed peas greens cornbread - holiday staples made favorite through years of cooking and enjoying. somehow the kitchen is put to order in record time and we say our goodbyes and hugs and smiles and waves...and waves ... of gratitude and love and peace in each moment of it all ...
walking around the house of the Colonel's dreams...slowly finding little hints of home, of my belonging here, of being present in this place that gives shelter and love and comfort and yes! even joy. i find my place - my spirit lifted. it's been a while..a struggle of monumental proportions for me, for us, this retirement adventure so far...i think it must be like this for most folk who move at the end of a career to a new community a new home a new state of mind as well as physical location.
this year will bring stability...and i hope less and less walks through dark valleys for me as we won't be packing up and moving with all of the stress and physical agitation. i am seeing a stable-ness that i haven't had in such a long long while. dwelling on this new year i would like to focus on the word gracious...grace...gracious of spirit of love of forgiveness ... these are what i hope to bring to all of the hearts i may come into contact with...and with all of this it is time to be about it all now..